The Heart that changes my world

Today we went for our 3rd check up, made a rushing appointment for 3.30pm, The first thing we talk about is Lita had been vomiting day and night, Dr. Kumari says this is a good sign in a way, means the baby is healthy and is progressing. Anyway we proceed to the examination table, she applied the gel and put the scanner on.

Today is the first time we see our baby's heartbeat, its a tiny blip, a white flickering dot on the screen that look somewhat like a tiny bulb on a chrismas tree. Lita put on a smile. Its amazing to see our child progressing. I've read many a times about people saying how great and wonderful, but I just cant find the words to describe what I'm feeling inside of me. Its like watching a movie, but this movie happen to include me, my life, my future but not so of my passed. It is about how I would sculp my own future to dictate the future of my child.

We spoke to Doc about lita problem continous vomiting and she asked us to take the Veloxin tablet that she has prescripted 2 weeks ago, unfortunately Lita stopped the medication which do stop the vomiting but making her sleepy and blur the whole day.

Doc says well its a lose lose situation, if you dont take the pill and continue vomiting her body PH will turn acidic due to low in water, and she'll end up in the hospital taking drips. So she ordered her to take a urine test which the result will be out later in the evening. Told us to take care and we talked about the possiblity of caesarean blah blah blah paid and we left.

The journey home while waiting at the lights, I think I know what I'm feeling, parenting is about the next generation, its sole focus is on the times ahead. Having your own child is like completing the cycle of life, its an achievement that has absolutely no benchmark. You have your own unique mission in life to bring a child into the world and your child is your apprentice. Doesnt matter what I've achieve in the passed, nothing competes with the utmost important purpose that I was build and design for, well everyone do have a penis or a vaginal right? I tried running away from this responsibility all this while, not that I'm being irresponsible, just that I've watch too much news on TV and read too much news on the internet about our not so wonderful world.

Nervous, yes, will I face the challenge ahead, YES! I will standby him/her no matter what it brings, I think this is the journey that've been waiting, for the passed 37 years I've learn so much and experience so many, I finally understand the sole purposed of my learning, I'm unaware that I'm preparing to be a father, to passed down my knowledge and to take care of my family.

I know I'm proceeding to another phase in my life, and I thank god for what he had brought me so far, the blessing is not and never to be taken for granted.......

Confirmation

We were at docs office 11am sharp, there were 3 people ahead of us, We were both nervous and just hope for the best, the time seem to take extra long for each patients turn and minutes were like hours.

Finally it was our turn, Dr. Sudha greet us with a smile and when we told her the news she immediately crossed her fingers and lead us to the examination bed. She was just as excited as us and she said lets see... Everyone was nervous especially Lita, my mind was blank as I just follow the ride and take whatever heading my way.

Dr. Sudha wipe the gel on her tummy and put the Ultrasound sensor and walaaaa..

This is the moment, tears was almost flowing from Litas eyes, she had prepared all her life for this moment and it surely meant so much to her. It was her mission in life to bring a child into the world. I just stared at the monitor in disbelief. So I'm really a father and what am I supposed to feel and how am I supposed to react? I just smile and again with the blank thoughts on my head.

We print this photos and sat down on the consultation table, and I began the Q&A, first thing is, so what are we supposed to do? Dr. Sudha explain first thing we must do is relax and just enjoy the moment. However we should be very careful for the first 12 weeks, she says our child is now estimated to be 5 weeks old and this is the critical moment.

The chances in the first 12 weeks are 9:1, and the remaining period is 99:1, its a high chance but then again we should be extra careful, she advice not to make long distance trip like travelling overseas. I ask if she should take special diet and to my surprise she explain that at this moment the fetus is too young and wont be too demanding in nutrition, it is only after 16 weeks that the baby will be growing big enough to consume plenty.

We should stop any chinese herbs that we've been taking, and the reason being we've no idea whats the ingredient, Dr.Sudha shows us a serious face and told us that we should keep the celebration to ourself for the first 3 months and I responded yea I know as I'm pantang too, she looked at me and said "NO" what I meant is just incase if its not meant to be she would be very sad and I just dont want her to be bugged by friends and relative calling and bombarding her with question which would lead to depression, she said she had seen many and its not easy to deal with.

She just tell us to do what we normally do and she would prescribe us with 2 sets of pill, 1 is folic acid which would help in the development of the head and spine and another is Duphaston, Synthetic hormone similar to the naturally occuring sex hormone, progesterone, for making the womb strong. We were told to come back 2 weeks later as she wanna see the heartbeat of the baby to confirm everything is in order.

Well, the ride has began and this would really be a trip, we will pray and we will hope that God blessed us with a healthy baby, we pray God would help us and make the journey as smooth as possible and make this the best trip of our lives.

signing out now...

BTW, Dr. Sudha Kumari is an Obstetrician and gynaecologist

attached to Hospital Pantai Indah.

How it all began.

It was 9am when I was abruptly woken up, I saw Lita holding a strip like litmus paper with a big excitement glowing on her face. She ask me to reconfirm the strip, I've absolutely no idea what shes talking about as my mind had not properly booted up, after few seconds I realized she was holding a pregnancy test kit, I grab the strip and saw the 2 line clearly imprinted. I asked her for the test kit manual as I've no idea which line indicate what.

The box says 2 lines and its positive and we've 2 lines, she shouted out in excitement, "its confirm!!" right?? its true that I'm pregnant, I remember her words, you're gonna be a father!" She was jumping on the bed, holding the strip, I can see the happiness on her face, we had tried for a baby almost a year and the time had finally paid off. I'm more happy looking at her expression, her happiness sets a deep satisfying feelings into my heart. 

I show no signs of emotion, Lita then ask me arent you excited? I told her my mind was blank and I've the sense of worry more so than excitement. I dont know how I should feel, I dont know how a first time father should feel or expressed. Thoughts of what to do raced my mind, superstitious stuff, or if we should announce it to everybody. 

We decide to break the news first to our parents, she called her mom and told her about it, her mom ask if the doctor had confirm and she said nope, we tested ourselves. Her mom was fantastic she said oh I didnt know you can test it at home????

We tried to call our doctor but it was a sunday so we decide tomorrow we should confirm with the doctor and probably get a lot of adviced of what should we do from now, whats the procedure like. 

Later on we had breakfast at my moms place and broke the news to my family, the conversation was all about pregnancy, mom telling her of her passed experience and all bombard her with so much advices we could hardly digested them all at once.

As we've coming back home I decide I should start a blog, something our baby can see next time of his/her journey was like, could it be smooth sailing, I pray to god so. Nothing is more important than a healthy baby, boy or girl doesnt matter, those are secondary. 

Its a funny feeling and I've butterflies in my stomach even at this moment writting this page, worry? YES you bet!!!